The Lost Diaries of Adrian Mole, 1999-2001

Book excerpt: Adrian Mole has entered early middle age and is now ‘the same age as Jesus was when he died' (33). Father to the grammatically challenged Glenn, and William, who takes a ‘Big Boy Arouser’ condom to nursery school as his innocent contribution to a hot air balloon project, Adrian is a single parent who has an on/off relationship with his housing officer, Pamela Pigg. Will she help him to move from the notorious Gaitskell estate before William joins the Mad Frankie Fraser fan club? In the meantime, Adrian continues to be scandalised by his irresponsible parents who are conducting a matrimonial square-dance with the Braithwaites – the parents of the beautiful but unobtainable Pandora, who is ruthlessly pursuing her ambition to be New Labour’s first woman P.M. – and to confide in his diary. His current worries include: indestructible head-lice; his raging jealousy when his accomplished half-brother Brett arrives on his doorstep; moral decline in The Archers; his desperate attachment to two therapists; his mild addiction to Starburst (formerly Opal Fruits); a small earthquake in Leicester; and, perhaps most significantly, the dawn of a new millennium.