The Relationship Handbook

Book excerpt: When couples go to a marriage counselor there are three possible outcomes: (1) they get a fresh start, (2) they stay together and "cope with" a tense or sour marriage, or (3) they separate. Every couple wants the first outcome. They want to have a fresh start and be happy together. If they can't get a fresh start, they will jump to the third choice-separation-because they don't want the second. They have already been coping and are tired of it. Problems and adversity are not the crux of marital discord. All couples face adversity, but it doesn't cause problems for harmonious couples. Couples with satisfying marriages don't "cope" with their lives and with each other. They don't work on their marriages. The strength of their marriages lies not in their ability to cope with their problems, but in their ability to keep their bearings and to stay close. This book shows couples how to do that.