Getting Relationships Right

Book excerpt: Relationships are complicated. Yet it's an unfortunate reality that while most of us have to learn complex geometry that we'll probably never use, we don't get a single formal lesson in how to relate to others. In this one-stop guide, psychologist Melanie Joy reveals the common psychological dynamics that underlie all kinds of relationships—with a romantic partner, friends, family members, colleagues—in short, with anyone in any situation. Understanding these dynamics will help you make all your relationships healthier and more resilient. Relationships are like bodies: they get sick when their immune system is weaker than the germs that stress them. Drawing on the most relevant research as well as on her own extensive experience as a psychologist, Joy explains how to strengthen your relational immune system to resist not only interpersonal stressors but also largely invisible yet potentially devastating societal stressors like racism and sexism. With this understanding, you can cultivate relationships that consistently reflect core moral values and honor the dignity of everyone involved. Resilient relationships are not only a source of joy and fulfillment for those who are in them, they also support the thriving of the organizations and communities of which we all are a part.