How to Survive a Horror Movie

Book excerpt: The screenwriter and producer behind Stephen King’s It shares a hilarious, tongue-in-cheek survival guide that celebrates iconic horror movies both past and present! THE PERFECT GIFT FOR HORROR MOVIE LOVERS: Features spooky illustrations, a list of 100 must-see horror films, and an introduction by Nightmare on Elm Street’s Wes Craven. Are you reading this in a cornfield, at a summer camp, or in an abandoned mental institution? Have you noticed that everything is poorly lit, or that music surges every time you open a door? If the answer is yes, you’re probably trapped in a horror movie. But don’t freak out—just read this book! With it you will learn how to overcome every obstacle found in scary films, including: • How to determine what type of horror film you’re trapped in • The five types of slashers and how to defeat them • How to handle killer dolls, murderous automobiles, and other haunted objects • How to deal with alien invasions, zombie apocalypses, and other global threats • What to do if you did something last summer, if your corn has children in it, or if you suspect you’re already dead So don't be afraid: no vampire, zombie horde, cannibal hillbilly, Japanese vengeance ghost, or other horror movie monster can hurt you—as long as you have this book.