Losing Control, Finding Serenity

Book excerpt: ForeWord Reviews 2012 Book of the Year Award Finalist! What Would Your Life Be Like If You Simply Let Go of Control? At work, they oversee every detail of every project and expect nothing less than perfection from their coworkers.At home, they obsess over finding the "right" person. Then, they criticize their lover or spouse for doing everything wrong.As parents, they practice zero tolerance for their children's preferred study practices, choice of friends, dress choices, and differing life views.Sound familiar? Everyone knows the type: micromanagers, nitpickers, and domestic despots. Yet, most people fail to recognize the signs of a compulsion to control in themselves-or realize the toll of their behavior on their career, their family, their friendships, and their own happiness. In Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go (Ebb and Flow Press, 2011) Daniel Miller pinpoints the dangers of excessive control, which goes far beyond setting limits and standards, in all aspects of life. What's more, he shows those who feel the pressure to control how to break free and reap unexpected gifts. Sharing his journey of transformation, Miller reveals what happened when he finally decided to "surrender": his blinders fell away, new opportunities emerged, and he experienced unprecedented, profound inner peace.Drawing on psychological insights, spiritual wisdom, and the real-life stories of acknowledged "control freaks," Losing Control, Finding Serenity guides readers through an honest inventory of their control patterns-whether prodding, cajoling, withdrawing, playing the martyr, or intimidating-down to the roots. As most controllers will discover, their compulsion to control is provoked by deep-seated fear, anxieties, and insecurities, then aggravated by anger and resentments. Filled with enlightening true stories, Losing Control, Finding Serenity gives readers the knowledge, the courage, the strategies, and the "decontrol" tools to: *Identify and overcome the control triggers of fear, anger, and resentment. *Avoid avoidance, with techniques for overcoming procrastination and reassuring exercises for resisting the urge to withdraw from loved ones. *Become a less domineering parent, build a family democracy, and reduce the struggles with children. *Find and keep the right person by accepting who he or she is rather than trying to change their romantic partner. *Delegate to and trust coworkers to reap increases in productivity, efficiency, and job satisfaction-and reduce conflict and dissension. *Learn to be patient and calmly accept "what is," even when adversity strikes, to enjoy a more fulfilling and serene life. * Pursue your passions and achieve greater life balance in a chaotic, unpredictable world that's frequently beyond anyone's control Losing Control, Finding Serenity offers welcome encouragement and validation for going with the flow of life as it is: an ongoing, every changing mystery. Find out how losing control really means gaining control!