Why We Don't Suck

Book excerpt: From the author of the bestselling Why We Suck comes a searing comic look at these divisive times, skewering liberals and conservatives alike with a signature dose of sarcasm and common sense. In an America so gluten-free that a box of jelly donuts is now a bigger threat than Vladimir Putin, where college kids are more afraid of Ann Coulter than HIV, it’s time for someone to stand up and make us all smell the covfefe. Dr. Denis Leary is that guy. With Why We DON’T Suck: And How All of Us Need to Stop Being Such Partisan Little Bitches, Denis is on a devoted mission to #MakeAmericaLaughAgain. Using the clamorous political atmosphere as a starting point, he takes a bipartisan look at the topics we all hold so dear to our patriotic hearts—including family, freedom, and the seemingly endless search for fame and diet vodka. Denis will answer important questions like: When will Hillary blame herself? Why does Beyoncé think he’s Bryan Adams? And why doesn’t he follow the millennial lead and post pictures of his food on social media? (Spoiler alert: He’s too busy actually eating it.) Not that Denis has anything against millennials: “When it comes to science, math, and technological advances, this generation has done more in three and a half decades than any other age group in history. What did my generation do? Cocaine and quaaludes mostly. With a side order of really stupid haircuts.” Dr. Leary is here to remind us of what truly makes America great, even though we’re #7 on the most recent list of Best Countries to Live In. Which may sound bad but means we still make the playoffs.